Short Story #1 the Caribbean Phone-Stealing Adventure!
A likely scenario is: I am really but a simple orphan from the Caribbean who, in a daring display of courage, bravery, stupidity and just a tad bit of greed, stole an iPhone off of a pirate captain that I was working under at the time. Of course I had to paddle away on a tiny BO-AT (you'll understand if you truly have watched Phinias and Ferb a lot) with, for some reason, a tiger on it (this time from the life of pi) and survive on the bare minimum with the iPhone as my only solace thinking of family and friend (only one) (his name is Henry, but everyone just calls him Shrooms because he loves to eat, and is an expert on, mushrooms) until one faithful day, I arrived on a mostly deserted island, inhabited only by wild yodeling dwarves and a smaller pack of ocelots that have been at "war" with the dwarves for 17 years simply because in their leader's opinion of the dwarves' yodeling was less than satisfactory.
So when I landed on this amazingly diverse island (it had guavas AND raspberries growing wildly all over it) I, of course, found the ocelots first. With the help of my faithful tiger companion Pablo (for that's what I decided to call him) (he wears a helmet to show his non-complacency to popular tiger fashion) anyway, I was able to communicate with the ocelots through him (we could read each other thoughts, but that's a whole different story involving Marvin the alien that knew sign language) Pablo was able to figure out why the ocelots were displeased with the dwarves' yodeling.
We traveled across the entire island facing many perils with the lead ocelot yodeling teacher. We came upon a distraught cabbage salesman desperately and aggressively trying to sell cabbages (we left him trying to throw his reeking ones at us), coconut wielding sloths, a Sharknado, a caterpillar on a centicycle and last and definitely least, a rattlesnake on roller skates trying to nudge a rock towards us. On our arrival at the dwarves' camp, the dwarves mistrusted us and had to sniff us a lot before they would let us talk to their chief. Once we passed the smelling test, we worked out a peace treaty with the dwarf leader that involved the ocelot yodeling teacher showing the dwarves how to properly yodel in exchange for no more water balloon raids—that was their way of fighting. We had helped the island for the best and they in joint effort, built us a submarine with directions entered into my iPhone GPS to get to the USA. There also was a distinguished dwarf with vocal cords that were in amazing shape and he had perfect pitch. His name was Bernie. He loved the color purple but would attack anything pink.
On our journey home we met several underwater submarine pirates, of course! We easily scared them away by releasing Pablo in his tiger-designed pressure suit wreaking havoc on pirate subs. Upon reaching the half-wayish point we picked up a giant squid. I named him Eduardo.
Eduardo (Eddy for short) became quick friends with Pablo and together they became a great dance team and practiced almost every Tuesday. As well as eating a little bit of our emergency quesadillas.
One incredible day we found ourselves on shore once again, this time we were in the USA! Our first step was to decorate our sub to make it more homey. Second, we found a drumming flamingo, in California. She was actually a French flamingo and always wore her lucky beret—it was green and somehow completely fit her, as a flamingo. Her name was Amelie. But, of course, she was pink so Bernie charged at her immediately. Luckily, Pablo caught on to that and intervened with a swift head-butt to Bernie's knee.
Pablo knew of Bernie's secret hobby of sneaking off in the evening and practicing the art portrait painting, he set up a little stand and offered his services. But one day, Pablo had heard this from Eddy, Bernie, unknowingly painted a portrait for a rogue archer, but the archer was displeased with his representation on paper and he showed his displeasure by shooting Bernie in the knee with an arrow. Whenever you ask him about it he says, "I used to be an adventurer like yourself but then I took an arrow to the knee" Even if your not an “adventurer!" So anyway Pablo knew his secret and head butted Bernie in the knee, stopping him from hurting the flamingo. He also threatened that if he tried anything that hurt Amelie that there was more where that came from. Third, we met an extraordinary kitten that could play the piano, or keyboard, or oddly enough, bagpipes. I learned to play the guitar, but since I was poor, I just used my stolen iPhone and got a guitar app and an amp. I got pretty good. So we formed this band called the Animal Congo with dwarven vocals formally known as The Bungalow and toured the world in our submarine showing off our amazing skills. We musicians played the music, while Pablo and Eddy danced every crowd into awe. We became legends around the world, but I didn't want to end up like all of those Disney stars that got all messed up from getting too much attention at a young age, so I decided to retire early to a nice simple life in Berkeley, and once I found this nice purple house I decided that I was a bit lonely and so I adopted some parents. They are nice, but I won't go into too much detail about them.
The kitten that we found? His name is Karl. But, what I haven't completely told anyone, is that I have a secret base under my house, home to my secret agent pet, Karl the Kitten😼. The base is secret so no one besides Karl and tri-browed (3 eye browed) boss and his macho helper Lesley know about it! Even me! Even me! his faithful owner and narrator of this story doesn't know about it! That's just wrong! Well this has been fun telling you my 109% true story! Hope you enjoyed it!
